Speaking Pickle,
by Jeanie Crocker
In 1992, a book was released called "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus".
The writer expresses the relationship problems caused by the view that
the genders basically speak different languages.
Since the author's explanation required 286 pages, we can assume the
problems are legion. That approach
to relationship struggles can be applied in other areas of life.
I have recently read a book entitled "Speaking Alzheimer's".
This has helped me step into the world of my aging mother who just
doesn't speak my language any more.
I'm trying to learn her language so I can help meet her needs during this time.
In the world of alcohol and drug addiction, an addict is known as a "pickle"
while the rest of us are called "cucumbers".
There is no doubt there is a language barrier between these two groups
of people. It seems that father and
mother cucumbers are at a total loss when it comes to dealing with their pickle
son or daughter. The basis of their
frustration lies in their inability to speak pickle.
This language has evolved from a life that is foreign to the average person.
It comes from a process required
for maintaining the addict's habit which has lead to his way of life.
The process goes something like this.
The addict must get his hands on some money (beg, borrow or steal), make
arrangements to meet his drug dealer, make the transaction without getting
caught, possess the drug on his person, get high, then repeat the process.
It seems the thrill of the chase is even part of the attraction as well
as the risk involved. In the
course of this process, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see there is
manipulation, deception and a lot of evil going on.
James wrote of an ungodly wisdom:
“This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual,
demonic.” James 3:15
The
Apostle Paul explained how a conscience can become corrupted:
“Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the
faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies
in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron.”
1
Timothy 4:1.2
Typically, an addict can spin a tale of woe that plucks at the heartstrings.
He can create sympathy for his sorry plight and manipulate some well
meaning individual into giving him money or housing or items he can pawn.
All of the above serve his primary purpose which is to get high.
He is an expert in taking truth and adding a spin that changes the whole
story. With that ability, he is
able to trick his family and acquaintances into getting what he wants.
Of course, in time the truth emerges, the charitable enabler realizes he
has been used and becomes discouraged - often determining never to help anyone
again. So the addict moves on to
his next victim with his game of deception.
Another approach the addict will try (if all else fails) is to destroy the
people around him who are trying to help him.
Anyone who stands between him and his drug of choice is in danger of
being slandered and accused of various forms of abuse.
This is understandable since a wounded animal will bite the hand that
reaches out to help. Those people who
understand pickle are able to overlook these outbursts since this behavior is
expected at certain times in an addict's recovery.
However, it becomes of great concern, when those who don't understand the
normal process (don't speak pickle) are sucked into the addict's stories.
They often even join into the attack against the ones who are trying to
help.
It is a common occurrence in our
addiction recovery program, that we are accused of being too hard on these men.
We are painted as ogres who just live to make life miserable for them.
These stories have circulated from the few who are not yet ready to
cooperate and give their total focus to recovery.
Their hearts are still in that process described earlier.
They haven't broken free of that life style.
As long as this process is allowed to continue, the addict will sink
further and further into destruction leading to total loss of brain function or
to the grave.
My mother was very hard on me and my two sisters when we were small.
We had to sit still in church, face forward and behave at all times.
If we stepped out of line for one minute, we were jerked up and hauled
out of the building where we received the consequence of our misbehavior.
Then we were returned immediately to our seats where we faced forward and
behaved. Other church members were
horrified at how hard she was on those sweet little girls.
They would try to comfort us by handing us gum and candy only to be
quickly retrieved by Mom who did not allow gum or candy during church services.
There was a lot of talk
about how cruel this mother was with her little girls.
The talk then evolved into how well behaved we were and how we didn't
deserve that kind of treatment.
They never seemed to make the connection that the behavior was a result of the
training from a concerned mother who taught us discipline.
Addicts require tough love. If left
to their own devices, they will continue in the pattern they have created for
their lives. Not only will they
lose everything in this life, but most importantly, they will lose their souls
for eternity. We have dedicated our
lives to preventing that terrible loss.
I am a cucumber who married a pickle.
As a result of his own recovery from addiction plus 25 years of helping
other pickles, he definitely speaks the language.
I have learned a few phrases through the
years, but I will quickly admit to not being fluent in pickle.
Frank
Parker, the preacher who taught the Gospel to Ronnie in prison, came to work
with us for a year. Frank made a
comment one time that went something like this,
"I used to think Ronnie was too hard on these men, but now I realize he speaks
their language. I
know he also has a heart full of love and compassion for Project Rescue members
since he stood right where they are now. He wants them to have what he
has...freedom from addiction that is found in Christ."
One thing I do know is - to borrow from another book title - it takes a village
to accomplish this mission. Having
a lot of people involved is not only a blessing but a necessity.
However, with the increasing number of workers comes the problem of the
language barrier.
To all you cucumbers out there who would like to help, please don't hesitate to
come. Here are a few suggestions
you might find useful to be most effective in this great endeavor:
1.
Share your spirituality and help them see Christ in you.
2.
If they begin to tell you their problems, don't take action to help until
you know the whole story.
3.
Do not receive accusations against the staff .
Instead offer to call the staff member in question for a meeting.
The addict will likely not want to be involved in such a meeting since
the other side of the story will be revealed.
4.
Never, never, never give an addict money.
5.
Keep in mind the fact that you don't speak the language.
You will likely need an interpreter who is fluent in pickle to fully
understand what's going on.
6.
Remember they each have souls worth more than the world.
They are going through a phase and with effort and God's grace, they will
one day be able to overcome and we can all speak the same language again.
Let's all work together toward that end.
7.
Stand behind us.
We desperately need you to be part of the solution and not part of the
problem. During years of
prison and jail ministry, it was common for the inmates to try to drag us into
their legal battles. Naturally most
of them perceive themselves as innocent victims of the system.
We realize there can be rare cases when they could possibly have been
framed or set up. But getting to the
truth is like peeling an onion.
There are victims, witnesses, policemen, investigators and attorneys who have a
lot more evidence regarding the case than we can ever receive from the inmate.
Our response to the situation was to let them know we were not there to
get involved in their legal cases.
We were there to encourage them, share God's love with them and teach them the
Bible.
This mindset is what we need from you.
When you hear criticism of the program, immediately give us the benefit
of the doubt. Like peeling the
onion, there are layers of information you have not received.
We are in regular contact with their parents, grandparents, wives,
girlfriends, preachers, elders or mentors from their home congregations.
We observe their actions and attitudes on a daily basis - how they keep
their rooms and common areas, their
work ethics, how they respond to teaching and correction, how they
interact with other program members, how they deal with conflict, their daily
mood swings, their desire (or lack thereof) for spiritual things, their medical
conditions and the medications they are taking, their financial situations, and
the list goes on and on. Like you,
we are often touched by their stories initially, but as the layers begin to peel
away, the underlying problems and complications are revealed which we must
address - often with tough love.
Please rest assured that we always have their best interests at heart.
We are not surprised when they relapse, lie, manipulate and attack us.
It's all part of recovery.
Yes, it's difficult. We are not in
this work for our own entertainment.
It's a 24-hour a day, grueling process.
We are here because this is what the Lord did when He walked on the
earth. He reached out to "the least
of these." We're here because this
is our chosen mission field. We
want to help these
guys get back on their feet and become strong in the Lord.
We want them to prosper in this life and most of all, we want to meet
them in Heaven one day. We realize
the success rate in this work is not impressive.
Considering the value of a soul, if we can reach one, it will be worth it
all.